Written by Rochelle Gapere

Yesterday evening, I was talking to a guy and the conversation led to us discussing my flaws. I listed them and he said he was very impressed and was very taken aback that I was so honest about my shortcomings. He also stated that many people aren’t willing to admit their flaws and spend their time pointing out their mate’s flaws. I reassured him that though I am very aware of my flaws and though I am actively trying to improve them, I am still no where close to being perfect. Also, because I have been doing some of these habits for so long it comes naturally to me, as a result I consciously have to work at trying to improve them.

Over the past 3 years I have been doing a lot of self evaluation and analysis to become the type of partner I truly desire to be for my mate. I have listed some of the things I have learned about men and what I think they want or desire. Of course, I learned most of these things through my personal experiences and I am still actively learning on a daily basis. It is my ultimate goal to become the best Rochelle I can be and the only way I can truly do so is by doing honest self reflection on a consistent basis. *Le sigh* I am truly growing up. Here’s my list:

1. Men have a need to be needed.
2. Men want their ego stroked.
3. Men aren’t trained to satisfy me or indulge me in what I like, so I have to tell them lovingly what I like. Not demand it, but express it lovingly
4. Find out what his love language is and “love” him accordingly
5. To not be so blunt. Delivery is everything. Think things through before I react and not act so impulsively.
6. Do not allow my ego to overpower rational thinking in a situation
7. Choose my words carefully because I can’t take them back.
8. A relationship is not a competition, I don’t have to win. When one person’s feelings get hurt, no one truly wins in the end.
9. To not get mad in public but to wait until we are in private to discuss issues that affect me. There is a time and place for everything and in public is not the place.
10. Respect is paramount to a man. If he doesn’t feel like he is being respected he shuts down and more likely than not puts up a wall.
11. Men are not as vested in how successful or accomplished a woman is rather they are more concerned with how well you treat them, if they enjoy spending time with you, and whether you are a nurturer.
12. Men are quite simple, straight forward and easy. They say what they mean and don’t necessarily have to say it in 15 sentences or more, most times they subscribe to a less is more rational.
13. Men have very fragile egos and though they are taught be tough in situations they are sensitive beings who prefer gentleness rather than degradation or belittlement.
14. Take a man at his word! If he says he is not ready for a serious relationship that is EXACTLY what he means—He is not ready! It doesn’t matter if you are the best woman he has come across in his entire life, if he is not at a place in his life to commit, nothing you do will convince him differently.
15. Actions speak louder than words. If his actions are saying something completely different from his words the best bet is to believe his actions.

Ladies, I would love to hear some of the lessons you have learned through your dating experiences. And men, I want feed back…have I hit the nail on the head somewhat?? Thanks! )